Subject: Definitions (Page 11)

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Unemployment: The usual alternative to overwork.

Definitions Work

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Acting Definitions Entertainment

Frisbeetarianism: The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Definitions

Teacher: A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

Children Definitions Education

Nursery: Bawl room.

Definitions

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

Pessimist: A person who looks at a doughnut and sees nothing but the hole.

Definitions

Inch: Unit of measure whose length is consistently underestimated by men.

Definitions

Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Time

Recollect: To recall with additions something not previously known.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Memory

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Definitions

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

I.O.U.: A type of paper wait.

Definitions

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

Woman: An animal… having rudimentary susceptibility to domestication… The species is the most widely distributed of all beast of prey… The woman is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Men People

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Definitions

Stomach: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

Body Definitions

Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.

Definitions People