Subject: Definitions (Page 11)

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Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.

Definitions

Borrower: A person who always wants to be left a loan.

Definitions

Aborigines: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.

Definitions People

The Chinese food in China is not better than the Chinese food here, mostly because of differences of definitions of words that we have – like, for example, 'beef.'

(1960 – ) American comedian
Communication Definitions Food/Drink Language

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

Definitions Government Military

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid in cash, not by check..

Definitions

Phillips Screwdriver: Used  to round off Phillips screw heads.

Definitions Things

Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often causes people.

Accidents Definitions Problems

Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Definitions

Fashion: A make-work program to get women to buy new clothes for no real reason before the old clothes wear out.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Price: Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Money

Tact: The knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Communication Definitions

Spinster: An unlusted number.

Definitions People Women

Historians: People who won’t let bygones be bygones.

Definitions History Occupations Time

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”

Appearance Definitions