Subject: Definitions (Page 3)

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Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

Zircon: A diamond falsie.

Definitions

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

Lottery: The equivalent of betting that the next pope will be from Duluth, or that the parrot in the pet store window speaks Flemish.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Definitions Sex

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Reducing: Wishful shrinking.

Appearance Body Definitions Wordplay

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Definitions

Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Definitions

Calculus: The branch of mathematics that is so scary it causes everybody to stop studying mathematics.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Definitions Science/Weather

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

Aversion: One side of a disputed story.

Definitions

Misnomer: The right name for the wrong word.

Communication Definitions Language

Accident: Any negligent or malicious behavior performed by someone with a clever lawyer.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Definitions Problems

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.

Definitions Money