Subject: Family » Children (Page 16)

You might be a redneck if… you ever named a child after a dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Children Dogs Family People Rednecks

I actually adopted a baby; I wanted a highway, but it was a lot of red tape.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Children Family

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Children Family Parents

An ugly baby is a very nasty object – and the prettiest is frightful.

(1819 – 1901) English monarch of the United Kingdom
Children Family

Life: A span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Children Definitions Parents

I’d be the only dad keeping his kids home from school to teach me how to get to the next level on a video game.

comedian
Children Family Fathers

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime.

(1913 – 1997) American comedian & radio & television host
Children Family

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Health Men Women

I like children… if they’re properly cooked.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children TV/Movie Quotes

About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Children People

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Characteristics Children People Things

I live near a remedial school and outside there is a sign that says, slow – children; that can't be good for their self esteem.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Situations

My wife, she’s carrying our first child… he’s eight, the lazy little…

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Children Family

What's the advantage of having a kid at 49?… you can both be in diapers at the same time?

stand-up comedian
Age Children Old

The Baby Owner’s Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance

Book Titles Children

If in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Children Family Parents

Birth control that really works – every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Children Family

When I hear a baby, I always write down the noises he makes, so later I can ask him what he meant.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Communication Family

Parents are embarrassed when their children tell lies, and even more embarrassed when they tell the truth.

Children Communication Family Honesty Lies Speech Truth

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Eating Food/Drink Money

SPIT HAPPENS

Children Family Signs