Subject: Family (Page 21)

I have good looking kids; thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Children Family Wives

You might be a redneck if… you ever named a child after a dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Children Dogs Family People Rednecks

I would like to give these kids a good home; in fact, there’s one a few miles away from here…

(1957 – 2008) American comedian & actor
Children Family

Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us

Children

All the men in my family are bald, and all the women are hunchbacked – and they don’t know we’re bald.

comedian
Appearance Body Family Fathers

My father… one of the great immorals, er, immortals, of our time.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Family Fathers

Where there’s a will – there’s a relative!

(1961 – ) English comedian, actor, director, producer & writer
Death Family

The only thing I said to my parents when I was a teenager was “Hang up, I got it!”

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Age Children Communication Family Parents Speech Young

With my ol’ man, I got no respect. He told me to start at the bottom. He was teaching me how to swim.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Mothers Self

Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Age Children Family Fear Parents Past

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Children Family

You want to look younger… rent smaller children.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Children Young

So, I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend… and all of a sudden I’m thinking… oh, my God, I’m turning into my mother.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Family Mothers Sex Situations

When you wake up one day and say, “You know what? I don’t think I ever need to sleep or have sex again.” … congratulations, you’re ready (to have children).

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family

They’re all mine…. of course, I’d trade any one of them for a dishwasher.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Family

Kids Are Turds: Brutally Honest Humor for the Pooped-Out Parent

Book Titles Children

It’s really hard being a single mom nowadays – which is why I don’t have children.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress
Children Family Marriage Mothers

I’ve been like a mother to that girl. I’ve locked her in her room, told her she was fat, and once I even left her in a store!

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Family Mothers TV/Movie Quotes

Maybe that's all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.

(1975 – ) actor, director, screenwriter & producer
Family Memory People Relationships

I have the heart of a child; I keep it in a jar on my shelf.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
Children Science/Weather

After you have children, the economic law reverses to Demand and Supply.

writer
Children Family