Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Food/Drink
(Page 15)
If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie; “Come on ‘long prosperous life!’”
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Death
Food/Drink
Death row
Fortune cookies
He’s so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he’d burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Alcohol
Food/Drink
I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Meet me down in the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol
TV/Movie Quotes
As S.B. Bellows in “The Big Broadcast of 1938”
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Catherine Zandonella
freelance writer
Alcohol
Time
I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o’clock in the morning.
John Barrymore
(1882 – 1942) American actor
Food/Drink
Health
Heartburn
Stew
I’ve decided to make Grammy Moon’s famous sheep’s head stew. Don’t worry, the name’s a bit misleading – it’s actually more of a soup.
Jane Leeves
(1961 – ) English actress, model, producer, comedian, singer & dancer
Cooking
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
As Daphne Moon in “Frasier
I’ve never been swimming, and that’s because it’s never been more than half an hour since I last ate.
Artie Lange Jr.
(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, radio personality & author
Activities
Eating
Food/Drink
Sports
Swimming
Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving everything except secrets.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Definitions
Food/Drink
Now don’t get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin’ ‘em more… fun to pet, better to chew.
Jim Gaffigan
(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Animals
Eating
Food/Drink
The pub is as much a part of rugby as is the playing field.
John Dickenson
Food/Drink
Sports
Pubs
Rugby
Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.
Harry Secombe
(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer
Activities
Alcohol
Drugs
Sleep
Marijuana
Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Hey I’m high on life, Coach… of course, beer is my life.
Norm
George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer
TV/Movie Quotes
As Norm Peterson in “Cheers”
Oh my God, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?
Megan Mullally
(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
As Karen Walker on “Will & Grace”
Hot Potato is a very different game when the people playing are starving.
Demetri Martin
(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities
Food/Drink
Games
Starving
I had some Chinese food the other day, and the fortune cookie was dead on about me; it said, ‘Your cholesterol just went up.’
Shmuel Breban
Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Food/Drink
Fortune cookies
You say potato, I say vodka.
Megan Mullally
(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
As Karen Walker on “Will & Grace”
Glutton: A person who takes the piece of French pastry you wanted.
Anonymous
Definitions
Eating
Food/Drink
People
Glutton
Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but brains.
Mary Pettibone Poole
author
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Intelligence
Preservatives
The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.
Mike Birbiglia
(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Eating
Food/Drink
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Anonymous
Food/Drink
Money
Success
Page 15 of 47
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