Subject: Food/Drink (Page 21)

1. Everything is cold except what should be. 2. Everything, including the corn flakes, is greasy.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars.

(1936 – 1989) American social & political activist
Conflict Eating Killing People War

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Activities Animals Food/Drink

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Food/Drink

Banquet: A plate of cold, hairy chicken and artificially colored green peas completely surrounded by dreary speeches and appeals for donations.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Food/Drink

Abstainer: The kind of man you wouldn’t want to drink with even if he did.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

I was in a restaurant that had a sign that said 'Restrooms For Customers Only'… I thought, it must suck to work there.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink Situations Work

The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper; well, then they screwed up!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction: I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen.”

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking Food/Drink

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

I don’t understand Viagra… I mean I like pie but I don’t want to eat it for 41⁄2 hours.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
Food/Drink Sex

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with it's just compounding the felony.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink Fools Intelligence

Anything is edible if it is chopped finely enough.

Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

You don’t eat Mexican food – you just rent it.

(1952 – ) British stand-up comedian, actor & author
Food/Drink

Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but brains.

author
Alcohol Food/Drink Intelligence

The best number for a dinner party is two – myself and a damn good head waiter.

(1896 – 1972) Turkish-born Armenian business magnate
Eating Food/Drink People

I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don't care,” so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.

(1979 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Dating Food/Drink Relationships

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

Food/Drink Life Murphy’s Laws Time

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Beliefs Food/Drink

Meet me down in the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes