Subject: Health (Page 16)

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to the Folies Bergeres and looks at the audience.

(1913 – 1995) British Anglican Bishop
Doctors Health

Every time a doctor whispers in the hospital, next day there’s a funeral.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Doctors Health

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.

Health Military Murphy’s Laws

Life is a terminal disease.

Health Life

If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Doctors Health Work

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Doctors Health

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

I saw one of those giant Hummer cars with handicapped tags on it; I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an a**hole was technically a handicap.'

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Health Things

A hospital is no place to be sick.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Health Places

I’m fairly certain that the only reason I was born crippled was because God knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to become a stripper.

American comedian
Health People Self

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club; you’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Health

I quit because I was in the hospital and I realized that I truly believed that laughter was the best medicine, but it turns out penicillin works a hell of a lot better.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician
Doctors Emotions Health Laughter

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

No child throws up in the bathroom.

Children Health Murphy’s Laws

New Sick Policy Requires 2-day Notice

Headlines Health

Did God who gave us flowers and trees

Also provide the allergies?

(1898 – 1981) American song lyricist
Health

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d druther not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health

It's this disease that only white girls catch from glamour magazines.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Health

It never heals correctly.

Health Murphy’s Laws

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Doctors Family Fathers Health