Subject: Insults (Page 37)

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Insults

What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in stupidity.

Insults Intelligence Stupidity

She’s upstairs filing her teeth.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults

His brain is a half-inch layer of champagne poured over a bucket of Methodist near-beer.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author
Alcohol Insults Intelligence

Nigel Mansell is the only man who goes to Nick Faldo for charisma lessons.

English actor & television personality
Auto racing Insults Sports

She preserved to the age of fifty-six that contempt for ideas which is normal among boys and girls of fifteen.

(1884 – 1967) American professor, poet & politician
Insults

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

Dorothy is the only woman in history who has had her menopause in public and made it pay.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Insults

The General is suffering from mental saddle sores.

(1874 – 1952) administrator & politician
Insults Intelligence

Hey, I don’t get respect from anyone… why, American Airlines thanked me for flying United.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Insults People Self

Mr. Lawrence looked like a plaster gnome on a stone toadstool in some suburban garden… he looked as if he had just returned from spending an uncomfortable night in a very dark cave.

(1887 – 1964) English biographer, critic, novelist & poet
Appearance Insults

He [looks like] an umbrella left behind at a picnic.

(1852 – 1933) Irish writer, poet, art critic & dramatist
Appearance Insults

Yeah, she's beautiful, but you can't find her IQ with a flashlight.

Appearance Body Insults Intelligence

He looked like something that had gotten loose from Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

(1888 – 1964) comedian & actor
Appearance Body Insults

He wouldn't commit himself to the time of day from a hatful of watches.

(1894 – 1969) American writer
Insults

To see him fumbling with our rich and delicate English is like seeing a Sevres vase in the hands of a chimpanzee.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Communication Insults Language

You’re like the Ernest Hemingway of bullshit.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Insults

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Insults Intelligence

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Fat Insults

He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Beliefs Entertainment Insults Opinion People

Literary diarrhea.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Insults Reviews/Criticism