Subject: Intelligence (Page 23)

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Intelligence People

When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place

Corollary: After the correction has been found in error, it will be impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation.

Ideas Intelligence Mistakes Murphy’s Laws

He’s a fool that makes his doctor his heir.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Fools Health Intelligence

If brains was lard, Jethro couldn't grease a pan.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Intelligence TV/Movie Quotes

How To Raise Your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children

Book Titles Intelligence

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.

Communication Conversation Definitions Intelligence Speech

Psychic: An individual having an uncanny, seemingly supernatural, talent for extracting money from morons.

American author
Fools Intelligence Money

I started wearing glasses, and people started saying I looked smart and I'm like, huh?… I didn't go to Harvard; I went to Lens Crafters.

comedian
Education Intelligence

A liar should have a good memory.

Memory Murphy’s Laws People

I have a simple philosophy; fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Intelligence

Every revolutionary idea – in Science, Politics, Art or whatever – evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the three phrases: 1. It is completely impossible; don't waste my time. 2. It is possible, but it is not worth doing. 3. I said it was a good idea all along.

Ideas Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Life

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Fools Intelligence People Things

Statistics are no substitute for common sense.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

My girlfriend said she wanted me to dominate her; so I said, “OK, let’s play Scrabble.”

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Intelligence Sex

I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Intelligence

The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb; to be a back, you only have to be dumb.

(1888 – 1931) American football player & coach
Football Intelligence Sports Stupidity

American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains.

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Intelligence Misspokements Stupidity

The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People Understanding

There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Fools Sports

His brain is a half-inch layer of champagne poured over a bucket of Methodist near-beer.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author
Alcohol Insults Intelligence