Subject: Marriage (Page 11)

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Marriage

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Definitions Marriage

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Autos Husbands Marriage Wives

Me and my wife met at a Castanet class… we clicked.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Marriage Wives

My wife and I had words, but I never got to use mine.

Jim Jordan (1896 – 1988) American radio comedian (of Fibber McGee & Molly)
Communication Marriage Speech

Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later, and for another thing, they die earlier.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Men Women

You might be a redneck if… the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage People Rednecks Wives

Well I don’t see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many men happy.


Emotions Happiness Marriage Men People Sex

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People Wives

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me… no one showed up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Family Marriage Parents

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Divorce Marriage

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
Marriage Things

You know… there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… husband!

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Husbands Marriage

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Government Marriage Wives

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Government Marriage Politics

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Marriage Men Murphy’s Laws People Wives

My first wife, I’ll never forget her… and I’ve tried.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Marriage Wives

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

American entrepreneur & author
Intelligence Marriage Memory Wives

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives; the first one left me and the second one didn’t.

(1956 – ) English actor
Marriage Wives

I never married because there was no need: I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband – I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

(1855 – 1924) English writer
Animals Cats Husbands Marriage