Subject: Marriage (Page 9)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Marriage Men Murphy’s Laws People Wives

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Food/Drink Hollywood Marriage Time

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Divorce Marriage Time Wives

I'm not upset about my divorce; I'm only upset I'm not a widow.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Divorce Emotions Marriage

There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Eating Food/Drink Husbands Marriage Wives

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced.

(1864 – 1943) English writer
America Divorce Husbands Marriage

Husband: A man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.

Definitions Marriage

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Marriage

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Definitions Marriage

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Health Wives

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Divorce Marriage Money Time

Marriage always demands the finest arts of insincerity possible between two human beings."

(1888 – 1960) Austrian writer
Characteristics Marriage

I understand that many newlyweds are vacationing here (Niagara Falls)… I suppose seeing the falls was their second biggest disappointment.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Husbands Marriage Wives

It was a mixed marriage… I’m human, and he was a Klingon.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Marriage People

One night I figured – let my wife make the first move… she went to Florida.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

Middle Age: When you no longer care where your wife wants to go – so long as you don’t have to go with her.

Age Definitions Wives

It is better to have an ugly wife for one’s self than a beautiful wife for others.

Appearance Marriage Proverbs Wives

Playing with your spouse on the golf course runs almost as great a marital risk as getting caught playing with someone else's anywhere else.

golf journalist
Golf Marriage Sports

All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains; what good are brains to a man? … they only unsettle him.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Husbands Intelligence Marriage Wisdom

If you think your marriage is perfect, you’re probably still at your reception.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Marriage