Subject: Marriage (Page 11)

I thought when I was 41, I would be married with kids… well, to be honest I thought I would be married with weekend access.

(1965 – ) British-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Family Marriage

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

It's better to have loved and lost, then have to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.

comedian
Divorce Emotions Love Marriage

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.

(1749 – 1832) German writer & statesman
Emotions Love Marriage

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words ‘we need to talk about our relationship’ may help.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep

A man is incomplete until he is married; after that, he is finished.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Marriage Men People

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Men People

We have a good time together, even when we’re not together

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Marriage Yogi-isms

Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.

Marriage

Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house; either way, it's expensive.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Money People Women

A redneck died and left his entire fortune to his beloved wife… she couldn’t touch it until she was fourteen.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Death Marriage People Rednecks

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner.

(1780 – 1832) English cleric, writer & collector
Marriage

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Relationships Wives

Many a man's lost his best friend by marrying her.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

After seven years of marriage, I am sure of two things: first, never wallpaper together, and second, you’ll need two bathrooms – both for her.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Marriage

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

Husbands Marriage Women

I told my wife the truth… I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist; then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Relationships Wives

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

Definitions Marriage

If love means never having to say you're sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.

(1924 – 2008) American actress
Communication Marriage Speech

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window; you may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Appearance Clothing Marriage Shopping