Subject: Marriage (Page 31)

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Food/Drink Hollywood Marriage Time

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter
Death Marriage

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Money Speech

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Marriage

Gay people should be allowed to get married; just because somebody’s gay doesn’t mean he shouldn’t suffer like the rest of us.

comedian
Marriage

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Conflict Fights Marriage

I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.

comedian
Communication Marriage Speech

Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.

Marriage

Sex drive—a physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Marriage Sex

We’ve been married 21 years – 100 with the windchill factor.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Marriage

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Marriage Mistakes

Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.

(1928 – ) American psychologist & advice columnist
Marriage

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Government Law Marriage Wives

Marriage isn't a word… it's a sentence.

(1894 – 1982) American film director, film producer & screenwriter
Marriage

Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.

Definitions Marriage

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil; she wants to see what she is getting.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Marriage

Went to the doctor's last week, he said, 'Have you had sex in the last seven days?' … and I said, 'No, my birthday's in April.'

comedian
Marriage Sex

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Girls Marriage Men People Women

Optimist: The sort of man who marries his sister’s best friend.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Friends Marriage Men

A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.

Marriage Men Murphy’s Laws People Women

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce; we decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Divorce Marriage