Subject: Marriage (Page 7)

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house; I never slept alone until after I was married.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Situations Sleep

‘I am’ is the shortest sentence in the English Language; ‘I do’ is the longest.

Marriage

She should get a divorce and settle down.

(1918 – 2004) radio and television comedian & talk show host
Divorce Insults Marriage

My toughest fight was with my first wife.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Fights Marriage Relationships Sports Wives

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages; you get married, and every night, it’s the same sex.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Marriage Sex Wordplay

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Marriage

I know not which lives more unnatural lives, obeying husbands, or commanding wives.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Husbands Life Marriage Wives

Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them continues to pay for it.

(1893 – 1957) American actress & celebrity
Marriage Mistakes Money

I believe people ought to mate for life… like pigeons or Catholics.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage People

Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage

Marriage is like a row boat: it fits two, it doesn’t work on auto-pilot and it’s very difficult to have sex in.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Marriage Sex

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Conflict Husbands Marriage Wives

Jess: Marriages don’t break up on account of infidelity. It’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.

Harry: Oh really? Well, that “symptom” is fucking my wife.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Marriage

Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Marriage

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Marriage

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Definitions Marriage Wives

I'm not upset about my divorce; I'm only upset I'm not a widow.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Divorce Emotions Marriage

Alimony: Bounty after the mutiny.

typographer
Definitions Marriage

Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Money Wealth Wives

You might be a redneck if… you work with a shirt off… and so does your husband.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing Husbands People Rednecks

Alimony: The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof.

Definitions Marriage