Subject: Marriage » Wives (Page 5)

Every American woman has two souls to call her own, the other being her husband's.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Husbands Marriage Wives

My wife’s gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, ‘pregnant.'

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Wives

My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other – so now it’s just a waiting game.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian & game show host
Death Husbands Marriage Wives

My wife has just two complaints: first, she’s got absolutely nothing to wear and second, she’s run out of closet space to keep it in.

Appearance Clothing Wives

My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night; now, we'll never see each other!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Autos Husbands Marriage Wives

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage Wives

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Health Marriage Wives

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People Wives

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

(469 BC – 399) BC Greek philosopher
Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

I told my doctor I think my wife has V.D.; he gave himself a shot of penicillin.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Marriage Wives

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Wives

My wife gets all the money I make… I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage Wives

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Marriage People Wives

I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement; I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

How it Works: The Wife

Book Titles Marriage Wives

If you run into an old girlfriend – no matter how innocently – your wife will know about it before you get home.

Husbands Marriage Murphy’s Laws Wives

Horse sense is what prevents a woman from becoming a nag.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Intelligence Marriage Wives

Generally speaking, my wife is generally speaking.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

My wife and I had words – but I never got to use mine.

Conflict Marriage Wives