Subject: Money (Page 31)

I got a $290 parking ticket today… my car only cost $240.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Autos Money Things

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Education Law Money School

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.

Children Money Proverbs Sex

You might be a redneck if… your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Money People Rednecks Things

Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I’ve got a nickel in my pocket.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Money Poverty TV/Movie Quotes

Sex is like money; only too much is enough.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Money Sex

The major concrete achievement of the women's movement in the 1970s was the Dutch treat.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Dating Money

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Intelligence Money Stupidity Wealth

If it weren’t for baseball, many kids wouldn’t know what a millionaire looked like.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Baseball Children Money Sports Wealth

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights.

(1892 – 1976) oil industrialist (once world’s richest man)
Characteristics Money

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions – he had money, too.

(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician
Memory Money

When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Government Money Taxes

What the insurance companies have done is to reverse the business so that the public at large insures the insurance companies.


Money

The art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one class of citizen to give to the other.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Government Money

It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.

Lerman's Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.

Money Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

He once gave Gracie a coupon for a year’s subscription to a magazine as a gift – and all she had to do was fill it out and send it in with a check.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Frugal Money

All warranty and guarantee clauses are rendered void on payment of the invoice.

Money Murphy’s Laws

The most popular labor saving device is still money.

(1949 – ) American beauty queen, businesswoman, actress & sportscaster
Money

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling… the rest I spend foolishly.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Alcohol Money Women

Baseball owners have moral scruples against taking any man’s dollar when there is a chance to take a dollar and a quarter.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Baseball Money Sports