Subject: People » Girls

The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine – we were both crazy about girls.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress

Girls are like pianos… when they're not upright, they're grand.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor

I’d rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker

Dancing is a wonderful training for girls, it’s the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.

(1920 – 1985 Russian-born American actor of stage & film

Girls just want to have funds.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker

I did think about adopting… an 18-year-old girl from Thailand, whose hobbies include vacuuming and some light dusting.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.

(1922 – ) American author, publisher & editor

My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette; we passed around six girls and one of them had VD.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol