Subject: People (Page 100)

A Merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Friends People

Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.

Body Characteristics Definitions People

Most people deserve each other.

Murphy’s Laws People Relationships

It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Emotions Friends

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Conflict Crime People Self Ugly

A cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.

(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian
Food/Drink People

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

Beliefs People Religion Sex

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad; an optimist is a man who hopes they are.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt
Characteristics People Women

You can always reason with a German… you can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults People

The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults People

The true measure of a man is what he would do if he knew he would never be caught.

(1824 – 1907) Irish mathematical physicist & engineer
Characteristics People

He immatures with age.

(1916 – 1995) British politician & prime minister
People

You might be a redneck if… you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Fathers People Rednecks

Neurotic: A person who, when you ask how she is, tells you.

Definitions People

Many persons have difficulty remembering what President Franklin Pierce is best remembered for, and he is therefore probably best forgotten.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
People

I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Anger Emotions Girlfriends

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Communication Conversation Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People Speech

X Chromosome: Sex chromosome responsible for the desire of dust ruffles, pillow shams, potpourris soap operas and ballroom dancing.

Definitions People Women

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language People Things

I was so ugly, my mother breast fed me through a straw.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Hair Self

I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.

(1869 – 1948) Indian leader of independence movement
Characteristics People