Subject: People (Page 115)

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: “Basement?”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self Situations

A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they’re loaded or not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
People

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People

If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.

Murphy’s Laws People

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Appearance Clothing Men People

I've always tried to be a good American citizen, so I have made it a point not to learn any other language but English.

stand-up comedian
America Communication Language People Self

I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.

(1921 –2003) American editorial & war cartoonist
People Self Situations

The other day a woman described me as a bit of a looker… well voyeur was the actual word she used, but there’s no need to split hairs is there?

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
People

If you were to second guess your decision to book time at a Native American community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

(1957 – ) American comedian
People

Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Men People Science/Weather Women

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Emotions Love Men People Women

I’m no angel, but I’ve spread my wings a bit.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Life Self

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Children People

The business contact that you have developed at great expense is the first person to be let go in any corporate reorganization.

Murphy’s Laws People

My girlfriend wants me to choke her while we’re having sex… but I say, what’s wrong with while we’re having dinner?

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Relationships Sex

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

(1934 – ) writer & editor
Intelligence People Places Science/Weather Stupidity

To know him was to like him; not to know him was to love him.

(1884 – 1947) Jewish American lyricist
Insults People

Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.

Age Definitions People Young

Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up.’

(1943 – ) American football player
Age Characteristics Communication Self Young

Politics is the pursuit of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Government People Politicians