Subject: People (Page 16)

A wedding invitation is sent by people who have been saying, “Do we have to ask them?” to people whose first response is, “How much do you think we have to spend on them?”

(1938 – ) journalist, columnist (Miss Manners)
Money People

My vagina is like Newark [New Jersey]; men know it’s there, but they don’t want to visit.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Sex TV/Movie Quotes Women

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Mothers People Rednecks School

Do not argue with an idiot; he/she will drag you down to his/her level and beat you with experience.

Fools Intelligence People

To make an enemy, do someone a favor.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Children People

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health People Self

Irish people are Italians who can’t dress, Jamaicans who can’t dance.

(1960 – ) Irish singer-songwriter, musician, philanthropist & publicity seeker
People Places

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Appearance People

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good… luckily, this is not difficult.

(1896 – 1975) Canadian mayor (Ottawa) & feminist
Men People Women

You might be a redneck if… your last year you hid yer kids' Easter eggs under cow pies.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

Barbara and I celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary yesterday… we are very happy, but I would be happier if she got a job!

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults Marriage Self

You might be a redneck if… you own a homemade fur coat.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

When you're born, you have a finger up your nose, the other hand on your dick, and you get taller; and that is really it.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Life Men People

A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.

(1914 – 1997) American writer & painter
People

From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class; from ten feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Appearance People Women

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Characteristics People

You know a man is a redneck when he calls sardines and spam Hors d'uvres.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Food/Drink People Rednecks

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress
People Problems

Before borrowing from a friend, decide which you need most.

Friends Money People Young