Subject: People (Page 21)

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.

(1928 – ) English zoologist, ethologist, painter & author
Animals People

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Autos Men Things

No matter how much you give a homeless person for a cup of tea, you never get that cup of tea.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
People

Sporting goods companies pay me not to endorse their products.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Self Sports

Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Age People Understanding

I'm just a person trapped in a woman's body.

(1952 – ) comedian
Body People Self Women

Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
People

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions Laughter People Self

Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People Things

The other day a woman described me as a bit of a looker… well voyeur was the actual word she used, but there’s no need to split hairs is there?

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self

I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People

It’s not the men in my life that counts, it’s the life in my men.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Life Men Sex

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Self

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands; her name was “woman.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Women

She doesn’t need a steak knife… she cuts her food with her tongue.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Communication People Speech

Living with a saint is more grueling than being one.

(died 1457) English Bishop of Salisbury
People Situations

I’m a member of the weeper sex.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops People Women

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Self

No matter what goes wrong, there’s always someone who will say he knew it would.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

You might be a redneck if… three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

No nice men are good at getting taxis.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Men People