Subject: People (Page 25)

In high school, I wanted to be a feminist, but my boyfriend wouldn't let me.

comedian
Beliefs People

Men don't get cellulite — God might just be a man.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Beliefs God Men

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
People Women

A celebrity is anyone who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Appearance Hair People

Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid… well that and ‘faggot.'

American comedian
People Self

They added up all the people in this country who consider themselves a minority and it added up to more than the population of the country.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
America People Places

My coach said I ran like a girl, I said if he could run a little faster he could too.

1972 – ) American soccer player
Sports Women

Don't come crawlin' to a man for love; he likes to get a run for his money.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Love Men

I was the class podiatrist… I never made it to class clown.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

You might be a redneck if… you’ve ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Relationships

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Characteristics Marriage Men

In this world there are winners and losers – and, of course, ‘the others’, who comprise the majority.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Failure People Success

Some people are so narrow-minded that they have to stack their thoughts vertically.

(1953 – 1987) Dutch-born American actor
People

My wife is a sex object; every time I ask for sex, she objects.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
People Sex Women

You might be a redneck if… your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Relationships

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Fathers Fools Intelligence Mothers People Self

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

People

If the Bible has taught us anything – which it hasn't – it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling…

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Girls Sports TV/Movie Quotes

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Sex

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Emotions Happiness People

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People Self