Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
People
(Page 35)
There are four kinds of people: those who sit quietly and do nothing, those who talk about sitting quietly and doing nothing, those who do things, and those who talk about doing things.
Runamok's Law
Communication
Murphy’s Laws
People
Speech
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Intelligence
People
Wisdom
Betting
Horse sense
I know [my head] is big because every time I'm in a picture, it always looks like I'm really close to the camera.
Ian Bagg
Canadian comedian
Appearance
Body
Self
Head
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Anonymous
People
Business conventions
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
Dorothy Parker
(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Intelligence
Language
People
Thinking
Women
What would bug a guy from the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?
Ellen DeGeneres
(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
People
Self
Taliban
A friend in need is a pest.
George Cole
(1925 – ) English actor
Friends
People
TV/Movie Quotes
As Arthur Daley in “Minder”
All women dress like their mothers, that is their tragedy; no man ever does, that is his.
Alan Bennett
English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Appearance
Clothing
Men
People
Women
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.
Robin Williams
(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance
Conflict
Fights
Individuals
People
Ugly
It was a mixed marriage… I’m human, and he was a Klingon.
Carol Leifer
comedian, writer, actor & producer
Marriage
People
Mixed marriage
The typical West of Ireland family consists of father, mother, twelve children and resident Dutch anthropologist.
Flann O’Brien
(1911 – 1966) Irish novelist, dramatist & columnist
People
Places
Ireland
I think the Japanese are smart people – stereotypically so.
Ryan Stout
(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian
Intelligence
People
Japanese
Stereotypes
The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!
Anonymous
Dating
Men
Relationships
Sex
You might be a redneck if… you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance
Clothing
People
Rednecks
Shopping
Lingerie
Yard sales
Bureaucrat: A Democrat who holds an office that a Republican wants.
Government
People
Bureaucrat
Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
Jim Murray
(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf
People
Situations
Sports
Bosses
Losing
Women are cursed, and men are the proof.
Roseanne Barr
(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Men
People
Women
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Marvin Kitman
(1929 – ) American media critic
People
Cowards
Heroes
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Albert Einstein
(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Driving
Men
People
Women
Kissing
We expect them (Salvadoran officials) to work toward the elimination of human rights.
Dan Quayle
(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements
People
Human rights
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
Denniston’s Corollary
Murphy’s Laws
People
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