Subject: People (Page 53)

A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs Definitions People

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong – or absolutely right.

(1863 – 1923) French playwright
Beliefs Conflict Opinion People

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Men are easy to get but hard to keep.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Relationships

When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land; they said, ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes and when we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.

(1931 – ) South African social rights activist & Anglican bishop
People Places

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

(1937 – ) English author
Men People

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Beliefs People Understanding

You might be a redneck if… your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

Oaf: An old fashioned jerk.

Definitions People

[George W.] Bush doesn’t know the names of countries, he doesn’t know the names of foreign leaders, he can’t even find the Earth on a globe.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Intelligence People

The great mass of men lead lives of quiet domestication.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Life People Situations

If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget, he didn't lose your number, he didn't die… he just didn't want to call you.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Communication Men People

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Individuals Women

It took us hundreds of years to get one Year of the Woman, then we get a year – one of us cuts her husband's penis off.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Situations Women

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight; when a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance Body Fat Men People Women

I had one guy at a gas station in New York say to me, “Hey, you look like that Hugh Grant… no offense.”

(1960 – ) English actor
Appearance People Self

I did think about adopting… an 18-year-old girl from Thailand, whose hobbies include vacuuming and some light dusting.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Housework People Relationships

Woman: A creature whom God made beautiful that man might love her, and unreasonable that she might love man.

Definitions People

Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor; it’s the other way around… they never vote for us.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Government Misspokements People

People who never get carried away should be.

(1919 – 1990) publisher & author
Characteristics Emotions People

The trouble with the profit system has always been that it was highly unprofitable to most people.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Money People