Subject: People (Page 59)

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self

If Bing Crosby was great, imagine how good Google Crosby would have been.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Wordplay

A woman is like a cup of tea; you'll never know how strong she is until she boils.

Characteristics People Women

I know when (women) don't like me 'cause they'll say things like, 'Yeah, that's him, officer.'

(1960 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer
People Self Women

Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

Murphy’s Laws People Self

I really like a lot of the stuff they did; it's just, sometimes, their fans get on my nerves.

comedian
People

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders… I hate necks.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Body Communication People Women Wordplay

You might be a redneck if… your dad’s cell number has nothing to do with a telephone.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Fathers People Rednecks

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine… (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Self

Look at a sweater made in Ireland… it’s like a turtleneck made out o Brillo pads. – On Irish people not wanting comfort

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Places

Love your enemies; it makes them so damned mad.

(1909 – 1986) American screenwriter, children's author & illustrator
People

They laughed at Edison and Einstein, but somehow I still feel uncomfortable when they laugh at me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Emotions Laughter People Self

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.


Intelligence Men People Self Sex

Italians are fantastic people, really; they can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults People

I like Kit-Kats unless I’m with four or more people.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink People

If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.

Murphy’s Laws People

Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve; run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened; keep the company of bums and you will become a bum; hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.

Characteristics Money Murphy’s Laws People

Tell me what brand of whiskey that Grant drinks; I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
People

Hello!… we heard you at the door, but just thought you were part of the bad weather.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication People

The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Intelligence Language Self