Subject: People (Page 79)

This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Men People

The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
People Situations

I can’t die… it would ruin my image.

(1914 – 2011) American exercise expert
Appearance People Self

Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language Money

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People

If you try hard enough you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

Murphy’s Laws Self

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.

(1819 – 1900) English art critic, social thinker, poet & artist
People Self

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Politics

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
People

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Husbands Marriage Self Wives

Mexicans are always tough with lots of heart; Koreans raw and gritty; the poor British tend to stand up straight and take it on the chops, bleeding almost before the opening bell.

Canadian sportswriter
Boxing People Sports

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
History People Things Time

Reporter: What do you think of Western Civilization?

Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.

(1869 – 1948) Indian leader of independence movement
People

Everyone should have to wait tables for one year of their lives, so they realize their ranch dressing isn’t that fucking important.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Life Occupations People Work

The fact that you do not know the answer does not meant that someone else does.

Murphy’s Laws People

No woman has ever so comforted the distressed—or so distressed the comfortable.

(1903 – 1987 diplomat, playwright, journalist & politician
People

I have become rather like King Midas, except that everything turns not into gold but into a circus.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
People Self

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.

(1905 – 1982) American mystery writer (co-author of Ellery Queen stories
Characteristics People Women

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald.”

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance Characteristics Men People Wealth

There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like; avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.

(1934 – ) English actress
Friends People

A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink People