Subject: People (Page 98)

Go away kid, you bother me.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children People

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down, and a woman is designed to say, ‘you took your time’ when he comes back dripping wet.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Men People Women

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Children People Situations Women

It’s a lot easier being black than gay; at least if you’re black you don’t have to tell.

American comedian & motivational speaker
People

From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class; from ten feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Appearance People Women

It’s not the people who vote that count, it’s the people who count the votes.

(1878 – 1953) Soviet politician, leader of the Soviet Union
Elections/Voting Government People

He's the type who will cut your throat behind your back.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Malaprops People

Women: Can't live with 'em – can't live with 'em.

People Women

If Dracula bit Dean [Martin] in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Government Law Lawyers People

Wait till these Enron guys find out that in prison, the term "insider trading" has a whole new meaning.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
People

Meryl Streep is not here tonight, she has the flu… and I hear she’s amazing in it.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Entertainment People

It’s hard to believe that if there is a God, he would want people to stand in the street and shout like maniacs. I think He would choose better qualified people.

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist
Beliefs God People

Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer.; but imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Death People

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Intelligence People Stupidity

[George W.] Bush doesn’t know the names of countries, he doesn’t know the names of foreign leaders, he can’t even find the Earth on a globe.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Intelligence People

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty Lies People Self Truth

A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused.

(1934 – ) American actress, dancer, activist & author
Emotions Laughter People Self

Ridiculous stereotypes often make people very ignorant towards other nationalities. For example, I’m in good shape, intelligent, and I don’t have sex with my cousins, and yet still people assume I’m American.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs People Religion

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.

(1864 –1945) Anglo-Scottish socialite, author & wit
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies People

It's wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn't used to like.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Friends Misspokements People