Subject: People » Self (Page 7)

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Relationships Self

I was the best I ever had.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

(1935 – ) screenwriter, author, director & producer
Characteristics Emotions People Self

Of all the great qualities he had, and there were so many, there was one thing that set him apart from everybody else; he really thought I was funny.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Self

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Relationships Self

I'm just a person trapped in a woman's body.

(1952 – ) comedian
Body People Self Women

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Self

I believe in equality; equality for everybody; no matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Beliefs Characteristics Self

They used to shoot her through gauze; you should shoot me through linoleum.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Appearance People Self

When I dance, people think I’m looking for my keys.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Dance Entertainment Self

Sporting goods companies pay me not to endorse their products.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Self Sports

I’m not a paranoid deranged millionaire; Goddammit, I’m a billionaire.

(1905 – 1976) industrialist, aviator, engineer, film producer & philanthropist
Money People Self

Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Self Sex

For weeks I’ve been telling him not to buy anything for my birthday, and he still forgot to bring me something.

People Self

My boyfriend and I are both in our late 20s; he’s 29, I’m 34.

(1980 – ) Australian comedian
Age People Self

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Self Sex

Is a narcissist’s suicide a crime of passion?


People Self

You really wanna know what you look like to other people?… have a child draw you.

(1975 – ) American comedian & talk radio personality
Appearance People Self

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Self Ugly

One day my father took me aside… and left me there.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Family Fathers People Self

When having my portrait painted I don’t want justice, I want mercy.

(1862 – 1952) Australian Prime Minister & politician
Art Entertainment Self