Subject: Relationships (Page 15)

Regarding my family, I’m the youngest of three; my parents are both older.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Age Family Relationships

I have a girlfriend… I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for …….. sex!

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends Relationships Sex

I refuse to go out with a man whose ass is smaller than mine.

(1960 – ) American actress
Dating Men TV/Movie Quotes

Men are easy to get but hard to keep.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Relationships

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Family Relationships Sex

Only thing that’s worse than walking in on your parents making love is walking in on your grandparents making love.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Age Family Relationships Sex

I did think about adopting… an 18-year-old girl from Thailand, whose hobbies include vacuuming and some light dusting.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Housework People Relationships

I was born in Alabama, I was raised in Georgia; I'm so Southern I'm related to myself.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian
Places Relationships

Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend… the reason we broke up is because I caught her lying – under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Language Relationships Sex

The man’s desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Men People Relationships

Of course a platonic relationship is possible, but only between husband and wife.


Marriage Relationships Sex

Peerless Pauline: I’ve waited so long to find someone like you.

J. Cheever Loophole: Oh, someone like me, I’m not good enough for you, eh?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

I told her I’d wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who’d give me a ride home.

(1982 – ) American author
Relationships

You might be a redneck if… your family tree doesn’t fork.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family People Relationships

Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband… if she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Girlfriends Relationships

You might be a redneck if… your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Relationships

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
People Relationships Time Women

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Relationships

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics People Relationships

The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: 1. a date, 2.his wife, 3. a better looking and richer male friend.

Dating Men Murphy’s Laws Relationships Women

You might be a redneck if… you’ve ever had to scratch your sister's name out of a message that begins, "For a good time time call…"

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Relationships