Subject: Sex

My biggest fantasy in life is to have sex with two women… not in a night, but in my life.

comedian
Sex

You might be a redneck if… you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Sex Sports

When I was 14, he sat me down, said, 'Larry, someday you're gonna meet a girl who's gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you're not even gonna haggle over price.'

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Money Sex

She was hostile: you don’t have an orgasm and say to your lover, ‘Take that!'

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Relationships Sex

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Body Sex Women

Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.

Sex

All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and woman on the bottom; for three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex

It's so unfair because I go out of my way not to treat women like objects and end up having to treat objects like women.

stand-up comedian
People Sex Things Women

I have low self-esteem; when were in bed together, I would fantasize that I was someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self Sex

When my dad was explaining the facts of life to me, he drew me a big diaphragm.

(1927 – ) American comedian
Misspokements Sex

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

I saw a pair of knickers today on the front it said, “I would do anything for love” and on the back it said “but I won't do that.”

(1975 – ) English comedian
Emotions Love Sex

They made love as though they were an endangered species.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Sex

I just got back from the Middle East, where I performed for 15,000 men – and then I did my comedy.


Entertainment Places Sex

My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!

Marriage Sex

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
People Sex Women

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose; last night she used me to time an egg.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Wives

A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are.

(1928 – ) executive with Playboy Enterprises
Sex

It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

(1958 – ) standup comedian, actor, game show host & photographer
Marriage Sex