Subject: Sex (Page 10)

My wife put a mirror over our bed; she says she likes to watch herself laugh.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Emotions Laughter Sex

(Paul is licking wedding invitation envelopes) Jamie Buchman: How are you holding up?
Paul Buchman: Well, if I had two more tongues, I’d be the happiest person on Earth.
Jamie Buchman: (lights a cigarette) Second happiest.

(1963 – ) American actress, film director & screenwriter
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

If he's stuck with the shrew, I hope he screws everything that's not tied down.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Marriage Sex

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.

(1754 – 1838) French prime minister & diplomat
People Sex

An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Health Sex

I’ve got a boyfriend at the moment; sometimes he’s there and sometimes he’s not; I prefer it when he’s not… sex is a lot quicker.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Relationships Sex

Coitus Interruptus: Copulation without population.


Sex

I dress for women… I undress for men.

(1931 – ) American actress
Appearance Body Clothing Men Sex

Men are only as loyal as their options.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Men Sex

If they ever invent a vibrator that can open pickle jars, we’ve had it.

(1964 – ) English comedian & writer
People Sex Women

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Activities Sex Situations

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

writer, website creator
Sex

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me; just the other night she called me from a hotel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Sex Speech

Having to read a footnote resembles having to go downstairs to answer the door while in the midst of making love.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Books Communication Reading/Writing Sex

Nobody's ever offered me money to have sex… sure – a Bud Light and a basket of curly fries, but not cash.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Money Sex

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Body Sex Women

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

My wife is a sex object; every time I ask for sex, she objects.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
People Sex Women

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.'

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex Things

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Definitions Men Sex

How tall are you cowboy?
I’m six feet and seven inches, ma’am.
Let’s forget about the six feet and talk about your seven inches.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Sex