Subject: Sex (Page 26)

You know that look women get when they want sex… me, neither.

(1958 – ) standup comedian, actor, game show host & photographer
People Sex Women

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

Abstinence makes the heart go wander.

Sex Wordplay

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Characteristics Sex

The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Marriage Problems Sex World

Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Sex

Sex and death; two things that come once in a lifetime… only after death, you’re not so nauseous.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Sex

When mom found my diaphragm, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Sex

Why go out for milk when you've got a cow at home.

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist – she did everybody.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Dating Relationships Sex

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Divorce Marriage Sex Things

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.


Intelligence Men People Self Sex

The Catholics have an interesting view of sex; it is disgusting, amoral and filthy and you should save it for one you love.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian & filmmaker
Beliefs Religion Sex

My wife told me she likes to have sex in the back seat of the car. I drove her and that guy around all night.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Sex Things

As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex… except for salami and eggs; now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink Life Sex

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

If a man can f**k and drive race cars… man… I mean, what else-is there?

American auto racer
Auto racing Sex Sports

I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children Family Sex

And just remember, the best thing about kids… is making them!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Nobody in their right mind would call me a nymphomaniac; I only sleep with good-looking men.

(1954 – ) British poet, novelist, travel writer & journalist
People Relationships Sex