Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 3)

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Fore: A golf bawl.

The golf swing is among the most stressful and unnatural acts in sports, short of cheering for the Yankees.

American professional golfer

Sam Snead was born with a natural ability to keep his bar bills as low as his golf scores.

(1910 – 1983) professional golfer

I enjoy the oohs! and aahs! from the gallery when I hit my drives; but I'm getting pretty tired of the awws! and uhhs! when I miss the putt.

professional golfer

I went to bed and I was old and washed up. I woke up a rookie… what could be better?

American professional golfer

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

For most amateurs, the best wood in the bag… the pencil!

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

This is a game of misses; the guy who misses the best is going to win.

American professional golfer

That one is so far right Michael Moore could make a documentary about it.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

My game is so bad I gotta hire three caddies – one to walk the left rough, one for the right rough, and one down the middle. And the one down the middle doesn't have much to do.

American professional golfer

At 15 we put down my bag to hunt for a ball, found the ball, lost the bag.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

Golf is not, and never has been, a fair game.

(1940 – ) professional golfer

While playing golf today I hit two good balls… I stepped on a rake.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

I spent $3 million on drink and $3 million on gambling, but I wasted the rest.

professional golfer

God said to Faldo, as He once said to Nicklaus, "You will have the skills like no other." Then he whispered to Ballesteros, as he whispered to Palmer, "But they will love you more."

American sportswriter

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark…

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

What goes up must come down.  But don't expect it to come down where you can find it.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer