Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 118)
I didn’t see [Christy] Mathewson, but Oquendo said he had a good slider.
Bob Tewksbury
American baseball player
Age
Baseball
Sports
Ribbing Jose Oquendo about his age
The only way you can check Gretzky is to hit him when he is standing still singing the national anthem.
Harry Sinden
Boston Bruins general manager
Hockey
Sports
Wayne Gretzky
Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter, I’m
amphibious.
Charles Shackleford
professional basketball player
Malaprops
Sports
Ambidextrous
I don't order fries with my club sandwich.
Mario Lemieux
Canadian hockey player
Body
Hockey
Sports
When asked what he did to stay in shape in the offseason
It's hard to describe what it's like to see a stock car flying through the air knowing it's going to land on top of you.
Benny Parsons
American auto racer
Accidents
Auto racing
Problems
Sports
Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn’t float too well.
Craig Stadler
American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
The main problem with keeping your eye on the ball is you have to take your eye off your opponent.
Bruce Lansky
(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Golf
Sports
Opponents
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
Jack Lemmon
(1925 – 2001) actor & musician
Activities
Golf
People
Sports
If Marc Bulger throws an interception in Sun Devil Stadium and nobody is there to see it, is it still an interception?
Jeff Gordon
American sports writer
Football
Sports
Commenting on the poor attendance at Arizona Cardinal games
When Lew was a twenty game winner for the Milwaukee Braves, people needed three columns for his pitching record: won, lost and relative humidity.
Red Smith
(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Baseball
Sports
On Lew Burdette & his spitball
I've only ever seen Errol Christie fight once before and that was the best I've ever seen him fight.
Mark Kaylor
British boxer
Boxing
Misspokements
Sports
Errol Christie
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals
Sports
Disgusting
Fishing
We’re all endowed with God-given talents… mine happens to be hitting people in the head.
Sugar Ray Leonard
American boxing champion
Boxing
Occupations
Sports
I'd take five [former player] Milt Schmidts, put my grandmother in the nets and we'd beat any team.
Red Storey
Former NHL referee
Hockey
Sports
Golf: A long walk broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Sports
He ran out of talent about halfway through the corner.
Buddy Baker
American auto racer
Auto racing
Sports
On another racer
Gossage puts guys like me on his cereal for breakfast. He's the most intimidating pitcher I've ever seen.
Tom Paciorek
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
On pitcher Goose Gossage
We’ve got no-trade clauses. Nobody wants us.
Keith Jones
Canadian hockey player
Hockey
Sports
On he and Craig Berube being ‘untouchables’
We went to Alaska once and they made us honorary Alaskans. Then we went to Hawaii and they made us honorary Hawaiians. We're going to the Virgin Islands this year.
Abe Lemons
(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball
Places
Sports
I’m going down so often these days you’d think I was making a blue movie.
John Conteh
English boxer
Boxing
Misspokements
Sex
Sports
Knockdowns
You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don’t have to walk any extra distance to get it.
Tommy Bolt
(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
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If Marc Bulger throws an interception in Sun Devil Stadium and nobody is there to see it, is it still an interception?