Subject: Sports (Page 118)

The only really unplayable lie I can think of is when you're supposed to be playing golf and come home with lipstick on your collar.

(1929 – 2016) American golfer
Golf Sports

After all the years of punishment you've taken, you must be thinking about giving up pantomime.

(1952 – ) British barrister, comedy writer, and radio & television presenter
Boxing Sports

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.

Golf Situations Sports

I looked up in the stands and I thought I saw my wife and kids booing.

American basketball Coach
Basketball Sports

A golf swing is a collection of corrected mistakes.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Statistics are to baseball what a flaky crust is to Mom’s apple pie.

(1926 – 1991) American television journalist
Baseball Science/Weather Sports

As an intellectual, he bestowed upon the games of golf and bridge all the enthusiasm and perseverance that he withheld from his books and ideas.

(1920 – 1982) foreign bureau chief, editor & speechwriter
Characteristics Golf Insults Intelligence

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it; then you hit it again.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

On fishing shows they always throw the fish back; they don’t want to eat them, they just want to make them late for something.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Sports

I throw the ball as hard as ever, but it just takes longer to get to the plate.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

It's going to be good to be on his side for a change. I'll save a lot of energy since I don't have to concentrate on whacking him. I'm pretty excited about that.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

Sportscaster: The extra point is no good!

Robert Scott: Then it isn’t an extra point, is it?

Football Misspokements Sports

Pete Rose has three thousand hits and three thousand fourteen overall.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Fortunately he is 22 years old, so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Sports

My word, look at that magnificent erection.

British horse racing commentator
Sports

If Mike Tyson gets any better, he’ll be hitting Lou Rawls while he sings the National Anthem.

American television personality
Boxing Sports

I'll beat him so bad he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Sports

They say they have picked Justin Fortune because he's the same height as Mike Tyson… so is my wife.

English boxing manager & promoter
Boxing Sports

If you want a track team to win the high jump you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot.

Murphy’s Laws Sports Success

We used to pray the White Sox and the Cubs would merge so Chicago would have only one bad team.

American comedian
Baseball Sports