Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 118)
(He) started out here with the Astros and before that he was with the Orioles.
Jerry Coleman
(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Misspokements
Sports
Two kinds of American football players ain't worth a damn: one that never does what he's told and the other that does nothing but what he's told.
‘Bum’ Phillips
(1923 – 2013) American professional football coach
Football
Sports
I wanted to go through the TV and strangle Terry Crisp. I wanted to punch Chris Gratton in the face. And when Petr Klima took a penalty, I wanted to send him back to Czechoslovakia.
Phil Esposito
Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey
Sports
On a 10-1 loss
Some of ours [umpires] is so crooked that they can lay in a berth only when the train’s making a curve.
Ring Lardner
(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Baseball
Beliefs
Sports
Dishonesty
Umpires
If you watch a game, it’s fun; if you play it, it’s recreation; if you work at it, it’s golf.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf
Sports
You don't hit with your face.
‘Yogi' Berra
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Appearance
Baseball
Yogi-isms
His response when someone told him he wasn't handsome
They should call fishing what it really is… tricking and killing!
Demetri Martin
(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities
Animals
Language
Sports
Fishing
I want to keep fighting because it is the only thing that keeps me out of the hamburger joints. If I don’t fight, I’ll eat this planet.
George Foreman
(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing
Eating
Food/Drink
Sports
I’m the guy that made Joe DiMaggio famous.
‘Lefty’ Gomez
(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball
People
Self
Sports
Joe DiMaggio
He couldn’t spell cat if you spotted him the C and the T.
Thomas ‘Hollywood’ Henderson
Football
Intelligence
Sports
On Terry Bradshaw’s intellect
Don’t park in the spaces marked, “Reserved for Umpires.”
John McSherry
professional baseball pitcher
Baseball
Sports
In Willie DeWit, we have an all-American boy, even though he is a Canadian.
Billy Joe Fox
Boxing
Misspokements
Sports
Send ‘im’ down a piano, see if ‘e can play that!
‘Yabba’
Stephen Gascoigne (1878 – 1942) Australian sports fan & heckler
Sports
Cricket
Some people have a chip on their shoulder; Billy has a whole lumberyard.
Jim Murray
(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Baseball
Characteristics
Sports
Of Billy Martin
I had to go off the circuit twice to avoid him. I don't know what Rene Arnoux is doing in Formula One racing. He should be on the beach.
Thierry Boutsen
Belgian auto racer
Auto racing
Sports
Rene Arnoux
Golf is my real profession – show business pays my greens fees.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Acting
Entertainment
Golf
Sports
It’s permanent, for now.
Roberto Kelly
professional baseball player
Misspokements
Sports
Announcing his new name would be Bobby
He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her. I said: You want to what?’ I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time.
Phil Esposito
Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey
Sports
On Alexander Selivanov asking to marry his daughter
It's not very often you get to see the Lone Ranger and Toronto in the same night.
Bobby Bragan
baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
Wordplay
On the appearance of Clayton Moore (TV’s Lone Ranger) at a Blue Jays home game
Football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.
Elbert Hubbard
(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Education
Football
Sports
If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.
Henry Longhurst
British golf writer & commentator
God
Golf
Sports
Rules
Page 118 of 125
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