Subject: Sports (Page 121)

Statistics are to baseball what a flaky crust is to Mom’s apple pie.

(1926 – 1991) American television journalist
Baseball Science/Weather Sports

We may have broken rules … but we did not cheat.

Connecticut basketball coach
Basketball Sports

The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Beer Food/Drink Golf Sports

What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?

English football player, manager & sports commentator
Misspokements Sports

Cross country skiing is great… if you live in a small country.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Sports

There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.

Golf Problems Sports

This is good because up until now, the only channel to find 24-hour coverage of the NFL players was Court TV.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Entertainment Football Television

Golf is not just a good walk ruined, it’s also the act of hitting things violently with a stick ruined.

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Golf Sports

I’ll be sad to go, and I wouldn’t be sad to go; it wouldn’t upset me to leave St. Louis, but it would upset me to leave St. Louis; it’s hard to explain. You’ll find out one of these days, but maybe you never will.

Canadian-born American hockey player
Misspokements Sports

Walk him and face the next guy.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

These two teams are mirror images of themselves.

Misspokements Sports

My game is so bad I gotta hire three caddies – one to walk the left rough, one for the right rough, and one down the middle. And the one down the middle doesn't have much to do.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Some of the ravines are so deep that if you topple over, your clothes will be out of date by the time you hit the bottom.

British auto racer
Auto racing Sports

I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything would be perfect.

(1933 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Money Sports

We need just two players to be a contender – just Babe Ruth and Sandy Koufax.

(1931 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

Part of the charm of basketball lies in the fact that it's a simple game to understand. Players race up and down a fairly small area indoors and stuff the ball into a ring with Madonna's dress hanging on it.

(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Basketball Sports

All women tennis players should go on their knees in thankfulness to Suzanne Lenglen for delivering them from the tyranny of corsets.

American professional tennis player
Appearance Clothing Sports

He may be the only kicker to kick and collect Social Security at the same time.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Age Football Old Sports

Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good.

professional hockey coach
Hockey Misspokements Sports

Distance running to a professional athlete in my day was five laps around the field. And you stopped each lap to take your pulse.

American football player
Football Sports

He said he wanted to go play in his home country and village; I guess every village needs an idiot.

Hockey Sports