Subject: Things (Page 30)

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Alcohol Food/Drink Things

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Failure Problems Things

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Activities Places Things Travel

An object at rest will be in the wrong place.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.

American computer programmer
Computers Occupations Things Work

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Autos Fools Things

The days of the digital watch are numbered.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Things Time

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce – instantly.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Past Things Time

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

You might be a redneck if… you think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Places Rednecks Things

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Clothing Sex Wives

Socializing on the internet is to socializing, what reality TV is to reality.

(1961 – ) American playwright & screenwriter
Computers Things

I'd never buy my girl a watch… she's already got a clock over the stove.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports Things

Diamond: One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments on one.

Definitions Things

… electrical degenerators

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Things

Any object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger object.

Murphy’s Laws Things

The first word you see at the airport is “terminal.”

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Activities Things

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

Things

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Things

The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

I came from a real tough neighborhood; on my street, the kids take hubcaps – from moving cars.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things