Subject: Things (Page 40)

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

Computers Definitions Things

I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Autos Things

Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.

(1971 – ) American actor, director & producer
Autos TV/Movie Quotes

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

Things

God is good, but never dance in a small boat.

Dance God Proverbs Things

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
America Autos People Places

If you use the electric vibrator near water, you may come and go at the same time.


Sex Things

Any object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger object.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Arms People Things

The first word you see at the airport is “terminal.”

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Activities Things

Ever since the young men have owned motorcycles, incest has been dying out.

(1911 – 1991) Swiss playwright & novelist
Intelligence Situations Things

How do you get off of a non-stop flight?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Things Travel

Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you’re going?… I don’t even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Autos Men Things

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Men People Things

People will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Autos Driving Things

I knew these Siamese twins; they moved to England, so the other one could drive.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving England Places

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

Definitions Things