Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 4)

No real English gentleman, in his secret soul, was ever sorry for the death of a political economist.

(1826 – 1877) English economist & journalist
Occupations Work

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

(1922 – ) American economist
Intelligence Occupations Work

Acting is a form of confusion.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Acting Entertainment Occupations Work

The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he’s given the freedom to starve anywhere.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter
Occupations Work

People were laughing at me anyway, so I thought “F**k it, I might as well start charging them.”

(1975 – ) English comedian
Occupations Work

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Occupations Work

Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

Definitions Occupations

Everyone should have to wait tables for one year of their lives, so they realize their ranch dressing isn’t that fucking important.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Life Occupations People Work

I'm not an actor, and I enclose met press cuttings to prove it.

(1915 – 1999) American stage, film & television actor
Acting Occupations Work

There are worse things in life than death… and if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Occupations Work

The Lord taught me to love everybody, but the last ones I learned to love were the sportswriters.

(1922 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Occupations Sports Work

Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.

(1939 – ) American financial journalist
Lawyers Occupations

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

Matt Thompson (1965 – ) American comedian
Emotions Laughter Occupations Work

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession a good accountant is a debit to his profession.

(1797 – 1875) American accountant
Occupations Work

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man… Knock knock… “Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Occupations Work

A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

Definitions Occupations

I learned in business that you had to be very careful when you told somebody that’s working for you to do something, because the chances were very high he’d do it; in government, you don’t have to worry about that.

(1920 – ) U.S. Secretary of State economist, statesman & businessman
Characteristics Government Occupations People Work

The Pope has come out and said that only 2 per cent of Catholic priests are paedophiles; unfortunately, that  2 per cent is their penis.

Canadian comedian
Occupations Work