Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 9)

You think when gym teachers are younger, they’re thinking, “You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?”

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Education Occupations Work

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Education Misspokements Occupations

Seven months ago I could give a single command and 541,000 people would immediately obey it; today I can’t get a plumber to come to my house.

(1934 – 2012) United States Army general
Occupations Success Work

There's no business like show business… but there are several businesses like accounting.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Entertainment Occupations Work

Dentist: A person who runs a filling station.

Definitions Occupations

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

She was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Cooking Food/Drink Occupations Work

The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? … plutonium hat model.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
Occupations Work

Do they give pilots crash courses in flight school?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Occupations Wordplay Work

What’s interesting about sports writers is that they don’t know how to play sports, and a lot of them don’t know how to write.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.

Acting Eating Entertainment Food/Drink Occupations

A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee.

(1905 –1998) American author
Occupations Work

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Definitions Occupations

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession a good accountant is a debit to his profession.

(1797 – 1875) American accountant
Occupations Work

Ninety-nine per cent of the work of the professional bodyguard consisted of one activity: frowning.

(1949 – ) English novelist
Occupations Work

Being a reporter is as much a diagnosis as a job description.

(1953 – ) American author, journalist & opinion columnist
Occupations Work

Easiest job in the world of course: Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday how you doing… no worries… next.”

(1964 – ) English comedian
Occupations Work

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

I'm not an actor, and I enclose met press cuttings to prove it.

(1915 – 1999) American stage, film & television actor
Acting Occupations Work

Author: A writer with connections in the publishing industry.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Occupations Work