Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 9)

We’re all endowed with God-given talents… mine happens to be hitting people in the head.

American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports

Ninety-nine per cent of the work of the professional bodyguard consisted of one activity: frowning.

(1949 – ) English novelist
Occupations Work

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

Cosmologists are often in error, but never in doubt.

(1908 – 1968) Soviet physicist
Occupations Science/Weather Work

People were laughing at me anyway, so I thought “F**k it, I might as well start charging them.”

(1975 – ) English comedian
Occupations Work

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

So the rule is, if you screw up just one too many job interviews, you become a stand-up comedian.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Occupations Work

A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules, often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Entertainment Music Occupations Work

I think that’s what they call professional courtesy.

(1897 – 1953) American writer & producer
Occupations

Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent… unless the job is a statistician.

Comedian
Occupations Work

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

She was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Cooking Food/Drink Occupations Work

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Government Occupations Taxes

You know I'm the only Iraqi comedian… yeah true… at least that makes us three more than Germany.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment Occupations People Places Work

When I told my mom I wanted to grow up and be a comedian, she said you can’t do both.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Entertainment Occupations Work

The first requirement of a statesman is that he be dull.


(1893 – 1971) American statesman & lawyer
Government Occupations Work

My first job consisted of me answering a phone… but it wasn't for me.

British comedian
Occupations Self Work

An actor is the kind of guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening.

(1910 – 1984) American film producer & publicist
Acting Entertainment Occupations

I learned in business that you had to be very careful when you told somebody that’s working for you to do something, because the chances were very high he’d do it; in government, you don’t have to worry about that.

(1920 – ) U.S. Secretary of State economist, statesman & businessman
Characteristics Government Occupations People Work

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations