Subject: Work (Page 17)

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Occupations Work

I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Work

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

Time Work

The profession of a prostitute is the only career in which the maximum income is paid to the newest apprentice.

(1829 – 1912) British preacher who founded The Salvation Army
Occupations Work

Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Appearance Characteristics Ugly Work

The first myth of management is that it exists.
The second myth of management is that success equals skill.
Corollary (Johnson) – Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within your organization.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Never mistake motion for action.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist
Situations Work

When we’re unemployed, we’re called lazy; when the whites are unemployed, it’s called a depression.

(1941 – ) American civil rights activist & Baptist minister
People Situations Work

There may be said to be three sorts of lawyers, able, unable, and lamentable.

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Lawyers Occupations Work

History repeats itself; historians repeat one another.

(1887 – 1915) English poet
History Occupations Time

Be content to remember that those who can make omelets properly can do nothing else.

(1870 – 1953) Anglo-French writer & historian
Work

Doorman: A genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.

Definitions Occupations

Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.

(1939 – ) American financial journalist
Lawyers Occupations

Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Doctors Health Work

The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Characteristics People Work

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

When I was younger, my mother told me, "Mitch, some day you're going to have to move out of the house and get a job" … well, today is the day, that's why I'm here with you people.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Work

Next to the writer of real estate advertisements, the autobiographer is the most suspect of prose artists.

(1921 – 2012) American music critic & journalist
Books Communication Occupations Work

A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee.

(1905 –1998) American author
Occupations Work