Subject: Work (Page 22)

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Executive: A man who talks to visitors so the other employees can get their work done.

Definitions Occupations Work

I think housework is far more tiring and frightening than hunting is… and yet after hunting we had eggs for tea and were made to rest for hours, but after housework people expect one to go on just as if nothing special had happened.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Housework Work

Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

Definitions Golf Occupations

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Housework Women Work

Doorman: A genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.

Definitions Occupations

Acting: A good training for political life; the only problem is the speeches are harder to learn.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Acting Entertainment Occupations

‘Employee of the month’ is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Work

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Definitions Occupations

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'whose?'

Money Wealth Work

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
Work

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

(1832 – 1888) novelist
Housework Work

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education Occupations Sleep

A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Occupations Work

If you don’t have a bad back by the time you’re 60, then you haven’t done anything in your life.

baseball manager
Health Work

Cabinet Maker: Counter fitter.

Definitions Occupations

Growing up, all I wanted was a racecar bed, but by parents refused to get me one.. but now that I’m doing comedy, I get to sleep in a real car.

American comedian
Occupations Work

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather