Subject: Work (Page 20)

If I’m making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can’t ever piss me off.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Money Occupations Sports Work

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Definitions Work

The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.

Murphy’s Laws Work

An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Work

Faustino the Great: How long you study music?
Mr. Lyons: Fifteen years.
Faustino the Great: Fifteen? … You know, two more years, you could’ve been a plumber.

(1887 – 1961) comedian, actor & member of the Marx Brothers
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes

Every woman should marry an archaeologist because she grows increasingly attractive to him as she grows increasingly to resemble a ruin.

(1890 – 1976) British crime writer of novels, short stories & plays
Appearance Occupations Work

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

(1911 – ) American editor & writer
Government Occupations

Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Success Work

To err is human; to loaf, Parisian.

(1802 – 1885) French writer
People Places Work

The one who does the least work will get the most credit.

Murphy’s Laws Work

First rate mathematicians choose first rate people, but second rate mathematicians choose third rate people.

(1906 – 1998) French mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

Security isn’t. Management can’t. Sales promotions don’t. Customer assistance doesn’t. Worker’s won’t.

Murphy’s Laws Work

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Work

If you volunteer to do a task that nobody likes to do, you'll be expected to do it every time in the future.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Work

Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.

Time Work

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Individuals Work

The accessibility, during recovery of small parts which fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway.

Murphy’s Laws Things Work

I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Work

Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

Definitions Golf Occupations

I think that’s what they call professional courtesy.

(1897 – 1953) American writer & producer
Occupations

I started my career in kindergarten playing a tube of toothpaste in a hygiene play.

(1945 – ) American actor, director, comedian, producer & author
Acting Entertainment Occupations Work