Subject: Work (Page 23)

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations

When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.

Definitions Occupations

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Doctors Health Work

Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts.

(1945 – ) American author
Occupations Work

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

1. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
2. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
3. If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

Job: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

(1832 – 1888) novelist
Housework Work

My first job consisted of me answering a phone… but it wasn't for me.

British comedian
Occupations Self Work

Putting an ex-fighter in the business world is like putting silk stockings on a pig.

boxing manager, trainer & cornerman
Boxing Occupations Sports

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.

(1950 – ) American cartoonist Cathy
Emotions Food/Drink Love Mothers Work

An editor is someone who separates the wheat from the chaff and then prints the chaff.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Communication Definitions Occupations

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

(1828 – 1910) Russian writer
Occupations Work

I manufactured clown shoes… which was no small feat.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Work

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,614 times a day.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Health People Self Work

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.

(1925 – ) writer
Success Work

Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you're finished.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Work

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations