Subject: Work (Page 24)

The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6.

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics Situations Work

Farming looks easy when your plow is a pencil and you’re a thousand miles from a cornfield.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Work

Dentist: A person who runs a filling station.

Definitions Occupations

Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.

Definitions Work

I’m a character actor, which is a polite way of saying ‘ugly.’

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Occupations Ugly Work

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Definitions Occupations

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
America Government Intelligence Occupations Places Work

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Critics? … I love every bone in their heads.

(1888 – 1953) American playwright
Communication Intelligence Occupations Work

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Housework Work

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Life Wealth Work

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Occupations Work

Work: An unpopular way to earn money.

Definitions Work

Love is the only industry which can't operate on a five-day week.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Love Time Work

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Doctors Health Work

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: air conditioning… problem solved.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Work

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Situations Work

People are still willing to do an honest day's work; the trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Money Time Work