Subject: Work (Page 5)

When I was younger, my mother told me, "Mitch, some day you're going to have to move out of the house and get a job" … well, today is the day, that's why I'm here with you people.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Work

Author: A writer with connections in the publishing industry.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Occupations Work

In the morning be first up, and in the evening last to go to bed, for they that sleep catch no fish.

Proverbs Work

Ninety-nine per cent of the work of the professional bodyguard consisted of one activity: frowning.

(1949 – ) English novelist
Occupations Work

Generals who can write always make me nervous.

(1921 – ) American newspaper editor
Government Military Occupations

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.

Time Work

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

Cosmologists are often in error, but never in doubt.

(1908 – 1968) Soviet physicist
Occupations Science/Weather Work

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices… in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Work

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.

(1943 – ) American attorney, journalist, writer, reporter & television host
Work

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.

Expressions Work

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.

(1894 – 1980) American labor organizer
Occupations Work

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

Occupations Work

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

Acting is a form of confusion.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Acting Entertainment Occupations Work

Those who rise to executive positions lack the qualifications for anything lower.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
Work

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People Work