Author: Anonymous Page 116

“Those hookers are putting notices in the personals”, Tom advised.

Tom Swifties

“Ignore the first three turnings,” directed Tom forthrightly.

Tom Swifties

Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.

Age Definitions People Young

“If I die, you get everything,” said Tom willingly.

Tom Swifties

At twenty, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it’s thinking of us; at forty, we discover it isn’t thinking about us at all.

Age Intelligence

American Way: Using instant coffee to dawdle away an hour.

Definitions

Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.

Education

“Why shouldn’t I stir my yoghurt with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

Abash: A high school graduation party.

Definitions

X: The signature of a happy man.

Definitions

Acquaintance: A degree of friendship called ‘slight’ when its object is poor and ‘intimate’ when he is rich or famous.

Definitions People

“We could have made a fortune canning pineapples,” Tom groaned dolefully.

Tom Swifties

People will blow smoke and mirrors at you.

Mixed metaphors

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous

Arson: Fire caused by friction between the insurance policy and the mortgage.

Definitions

Life: A play with a lousy third act.

Definitions Life

Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in!

Situations

Bay: A body of water surrounded by restaurants.

Definitions Places

Whenever you hear the word save, it is usually the beginning of an advertisement designed to make you spend money.

Communication Language Money

Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.

Definitions Occupations Work

Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.

Expressions Work