Author: Anonymous Page 34

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

She is so fat… she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Waddya expect him to say, entray voose?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

The most important decision is that of excepting Jesus in your life.

Malaprops

“The lion has its head caught in the skylight,” said Tom uproariously.

Tom Swifties

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops

He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!

Miscellaneous

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

Vegetable: A substance used to ballast a child’s plate while it’s carried to and from the table.

Definitions Food/Drink

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

We'll mend that fence when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

They’re diabolically opposed.

Malaprops

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Definitions

Autumn is the most beautiful time of the year to the person who has no leaves to rake.

Science/Weather

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Communication Wordplay

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

We all have our own legs to pull.

Mixed metaphors