Author: Anonymous Page 34

Tact: The knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Communication Definitions

Apathy: Vigor mortis.

Definitions

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

“I feel a draft,” Tom said coolly.

Tom Swifties

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

People are dying like hotcakes.

Mixed metaphors

Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.

Definitions Women

Group Therapy: A drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.

Definitions

“It’s a German song,” Tom lied.

Tom Swifties

“Why shouldn’t I stir my yoghurt with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

Admiral: A general at sea.

Definitions Military

Free Verse: Verse written without rhyme or reason.

Definitions Reading/Writing

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

Definitions Occupations Work

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

I'd like to give you a going-away present… but you have to do your part.

Insults

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.

Definitions Food/Drink

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions

“I always eat at McDonald’s”, said Tom archly.

Tom Swifties

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Definitions Marriage Wives