Author: Anonymous Page 42

“That young insect is male,” said Tom buoyantly.

Tom Swifties

I am sure I have done everything in my power since I exploded the affair.

Malaprops

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

Education Insults

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Definitions

He had to use a fire distinguisher.

Malaprops

She could eat an apple through a picket fence.

Appearance Expressions

A sure sign of bureaucracy is when the first person who answers the phone can’t help you.

Government

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

Violinist: A high-strung musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

“I’ve still got two fingers left,” said Tom handsomely.

Tom Swifties

Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.

Education

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations

We'll drive off of that bridge when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

There are rules about riding a horse, but the horse won’t necessarily know them.

Animals

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

What in the Sam Hill are you doing?

Miscellaneous

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Definitions Family

Your being Sir Anthony's son, would itself be a sufficient accommodation.

Malaprops

Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.

Characteristics

Fiddling with his guitar

Mixed metaphors

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work