Author: Anonymous Page 42

Don't count your chickens until you see the whites of their eyes.

Mixed metaphors

“That’s already been taken care of,” Tom pretended.

Tom Swifties

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Death Government Language Taxes

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

Communication Language Money

“I need an injection,” Tom pleaded in vain.

Tom Swifties

Sarong: A simple garment carrying the implicit promise that it will not long stay in place.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch

Appearance Expressions

That will round out the triangle.

Mixed metaphors

Spanking: To impress upon the mind from the bottom up.

Definitions

Whether the glass is half-full or half empty, depends on whether you are drinking or pouring.

Situations

“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

Tom Swifties

You have to take the bad with the worse.

Mixed metaphors

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

Time may be a great healer, but’s it’s a lousy beautician.

Appearance Health Time

Monogamy: A marriage system in which subscribers are requested to return one wife before taking another.

Definitions Marriage

Brute Force: When your brain doesn’t work, just keep beating on the problem until one of you dies.

Definitions

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

Definitions

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Heir Fare: Executor’s fee.

Definitions Wordplay