Author: Anonymous Page 42

Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.

Marriage

Does a fat boy like cake.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

I wouldn't trust him with my bargepole.

Mixed metaphors

“This wind is awful,” blustered Tom.

Tom Swifties

“Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers,” said Tom soothingly.

Tom Swifties

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

Problems Situations

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

Heir Fare: Executor’s fee.

Definitions Wordplay

“This salad dressing has too much vinegar,” said Tom acidly.

Tom Swifties

We don't need to skirt around the bush.

Mixed metaphors

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

“I wouldn’t mind going with you to the tennis match,” she said gamely.

Tom Swifties

“How do you start a model-T Ford without a battery?” asked Tom crankily.

Tom Swifties

Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.

Definitions

You don't have to beat it with a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.

Mixed metaphors

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

Definitions Things

She is so fat… at the zoo, the elephants throw peanuts at her.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

We’ll do this individually as a group.

Mixed metaphors