Author: Anonymous Page 44

Bureaucracy: A system that enables ten men to do the work of one.

Definitions Government

Borrower: A man who tries to live within your means.

Definitions

Awe: Wow of silence.

Definitions

If you try to eat this elephant all in one bite, you’re going to have a hell of an indigestion.

Mixed metaphors

We all act as one heartbeat.

Mixed metaphors

Engagement: A period in which a girl is placed in solitaire confinement.

Definitions Marriage

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Intelligence Money Stupidity Wealth

“It’s my personal magnetism,” said Tom ironically.

Tom Swifties

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs Religion Sex

Television: A means of getting a babysitter so Mom and Dad can get out to the movies.

Definitions Entertainment Television

She is so fat… she can't even jump to conclusions.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

People seldom know what they want until you give them what they ask for.

Situations

“I wouldn’t mind going with you to the tennis match,” she said gamely.

Tom Swifties

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

I shot the wind out of his saddle.

Mixed metaphors

It was so cold… I chipped a tooth on my soup.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay radioactively.

Malaprops Money Time

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

Communication Speech

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Definitions