Author: Anonymous Page 44

Beauty: The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Appearance Definitions

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

We will burn that horse when we get there.

Mixed metaphors

You’d be a overweight neurotic fighter too if your name was Shirley Crabtree.

Sports

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

Amnesty: The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Definitions

An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay radioactively.

Malaprops Money Time

The real estate agent can give you all the perpendiculars of this listing.

Malaprops

Snoring: Sound sleeping.

Definitions

Well, that’s water under the dam.

Mixed metaphors

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Characteristics Marriage Men

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Food/Drink

“I’m on the green,” Tom lied.

Tom Swifties

Why spend astronomical amounts on so-called scientific research to go to another planet?

Mixed metaphors

Summer Camps: Those places where little boys go for mother’s vacation.

Activities Definitions

“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.

Tom Swifties

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

Age Definitions Young

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay

Wild whores could not drag me away.

Malaprops

We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations.

Malaprops

Marriages are made in heaven, maybe that’s why so many atheists fool around.

Marriage