Author: Anonymous Page 44

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Education School

Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”

Appearance Body Definitions

Life: A play with a lousy third act.

Definitions Life

We'll mend that fence when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

Middle Age: That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it. 

Age Definitions

A husband always prefers his wife’s mother-in-law to his own.

Marriage

You’ve really put your finger on the nail there.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m going window shopping,” said Tom listlessly.

Tom Swifties

Conference: A meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.

Definitions

Inside every fat book there is a thin book trying to get out.

Books Communication

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.

Work

… to love and to cherish, till death do us apart.

Malaprops

Charm: That indefinable something possessed by girls with stunning figures.

Appearance Definitions

Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.

Definitions

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

Definitions Government Law Lawyers

Committee: A group which succeeds in getting something done only when it consists of three members, one of whom happens to be sick and the other absent.

Definitions

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Definitions Relationships

Chip Shot: A short, low approach shot that gets a player into position for one or more missed puts.

Definitions Golf Sports