Author: Anonymous Page 54

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

There's more that one way to skin the cat out of the bag.

Mixed metaphors

Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.

Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Alarm clock: An instrument used to wake up people who have no kids.

Children Definitions Family Things

Divorce: Going through a change of wife.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Characteristics

Adolescent: One who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Definitions

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Doorman: A genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.

Definitions Occupations

That’ll separate the girls from the sheep.

Mixed metaphors

It looks like the cows have come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

Sarong: A simple garment carrying the implicit promise that it will not long stay in place.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

We need to look the 800-pound gorilla in the mouth

Mixed metaphors

A day without sunshine is like… well, night.

Situations Time

Take it with a grain assault.

Malaprops

Tennis: a racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch.

Sports

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Money Time

Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.

Definitions

“I wish I drove a Scandinavian car,” Tom sobbed.

Tom Swifties